Even before getting out of bed I was feeling gloomy. It was as if a cloud was positioned right over my head and I was kind of sad. I hauled my tired self out of bed at a few minutes to seven and stumbled down the stairs to get some coffee. I mused to myself that my gloomy disposition probably had to do with being tired from staying out late last night (we went on a date!).
Arriving in the kitchen I noticed there wasn’t a cup of coffee waiting for me. I was too tired to be terribly upset, but one of the highlights of my morning is coming downstairs and being greeted by a warm cup of Mark’s Famously Good Coffee. Not only does it wake me up, but it also lets me know that Mark was anticipating my arrival. It’s one of those little gestures that really mean a lot to me.
The little turd drank all the coffee himself! I muttered under my breath. [Immature, I know. I probably shouldn’t admit on here that I really thought/said that with us being missionary appointees and all, but it’s the truth and I do my best to be honest].
I somehow shuffled around and made myself a mediocre cup of coffee and sank into the couch. Even after getting the coffee in my system I was still feeling off.
Mark called and apologized for the lack of coffee. He was running late and didn’t take the time to make any this morning so that’s why there wasn’t a cup for me. Even this realization that I wasn’t forgotten didn’t shake the fog that was gnawing at my spirit.
I sat on couch quietly after I hung up the phone. Slowly, realization dawned.
It’s Good Friday.
Of course I feel gloomy. Today is the day I remember my Savior and Lord who, in obedience to God, was hung on a cross to die because of every awful thing I have ever done. As a result of his obedience, even unto death, God was glorified and I, the chief of sinners, can have eternal life in the presence of God. Jesus died not only for every bad action I’ve taken but also every hurtful word and terrible, jealous thought I’ve had. With the Holy Spirit inside of me, I feel like it’s impossible not to feel something akin to grief on the day we remember that Jesus died to take away my sin.
Don’t get me wrong, I rejoice in my salvation. But before rejoicing comes the awareness and remembrance of the incredible sacrifice made on my behalf. My joy on Resurrection Sunday can’t be full if I don’t give myself time to grieve the loss that happened on Good Friday.
So today I sit and remember. I’m taking time to process my grief, knowing that joy will come.
I don’t know how you feel about today. I don’t know if you believe that Jesus was God’s son and that he died as a sacrifice for everyone. If you’re not there, I get it. It’s a lot to wrestle with. But I think that we can still join together in remembrance of the death of a man who embodies perfect love.
Let’s join our hearts together today in thankful remembrance of the sacrifice that Jesus made for us. Today we mourn together, yet we anticipate sharing the joy that’s coming to us on Sunday.
**For clarification, please see John 17, Philippians 2 and 1 Timothy 1**